I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
