i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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