I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
