I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
