My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
