we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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