brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
