I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
there was a trapeze. enough said
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I just found puke in my bra..
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Boobs are out for the taking
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Randomize
