you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
