i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize