those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
