the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Randomize
