he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
