That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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