We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
