is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
