I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
