I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
