If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
The struggles of a small town man whore
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
