Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
