Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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