I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
