the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
