I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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