I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Drunk walkin through police station. America
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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