She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
