Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
