I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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