Nicole vs. Life
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
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