Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
