I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Randomize
