a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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