Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
