Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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