I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
