Your face is a jimmy john
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
