She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
