i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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