I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
