C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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