i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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