So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
