i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
