paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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