Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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