I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
