y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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