i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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