STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
being pregnant is like rehab
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize