YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
