Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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