Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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