Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize