Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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