if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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