i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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