Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
