So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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