Pants 0. Shit 1.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize