Will you blow on my dice?
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
