Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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