i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize