Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
