i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
