Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
