Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
