you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
