The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
