I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
