Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
