it wasn't lemon gatorade
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
