Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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