hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
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