You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
