I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
