You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
